Capturing memories

I’ve found something to remember one of my favourite cuddly moments! Thanks to Northern Sun Prints, I have a beautiful print on the way that I can hang on my wall. 

It’s perfect and I am so pleased :) I feel like kick starting a whole load of other positive tweaks in my life too while I’ve still got the time off work. 

In other fantastic boob related news, all my chest dressings may be off in 2 weeks. The left side has had none for a while but the right side has suffered some superficial skin necrosis so has had to be looked after a little more. I saw Tracy today and she was pleased with progress. I also thought I had a massive amount of fluid collection in my breasts as they’re so much more shaped than 48 hours post surgery but turns out there’s very little left to drain indeed! The shape of my fake-boobs has very much changed in the last 4 weeks. People say it happens but I didn’t realise by how much until it happened to me. 

DRAIN AND CANCER FREE. I am a PREVIVOR :)

A distinct lack of posting. Probably the euphoria of HAVING ALL MY DRAINS OUT! 

Tracey took out the drains at our appointment last week, and gave me the awesome news that the removed breast tissue showed NO SIGNS OF CANCER! Which was brilliant. In line with her amazing efficiency, she then proceeded to remove dressings and drains at double speed. OWCH. Olga was gentle. Tracey was something else……! It felt like plasters were whipped off, drains were pulled with not a moments warning or gentle breathing preparation. I was shaking on the bed! It didn’t hurt per say; but it was extremely uncomfortable, and the pressure and force took my breath away. Shock x 2 would be the best way of describing it.

Jon was waiting downstairs in Costa - me having told him drain removal etc would take at least 1/2 an hour (that’s how long the nurses took!). So when I came downstairs after 15 minutes, rather pale and demanding coffee I think he determined pretty quick that it was not a pleasant experience……..

Life is so much easier without the vampire bottles. I cannot believe how long I ended up having them in - 22 days. This is the maximum permitted it seems before the risk of infection overrides the benefit of them being there. Sleeping is easier, and of course I can wear dresses, which is lovely for summer :) 

I spent the weekend at the European Babywearing conference - Roamy and I drove down on the Friday, sans children! Cue lots of Alannis Morrisette on the car stereo, lots of singing, lots of giggling and fun. We had cocktails and meal Friday night - networking at its finest. So lovely to have another focus asides from all the medical stuff going on. 

The babywearing conference also made me reminisce. I naughtily tried Ellie in a mei tai before heading off to the conference and sadly, front carrying was not a pleasant experience. My upper body weakness caused me to ache but what was more of a shame was I realised the frontal numbness just made the experience so unpleasant for me. Suddenly I realised that warmth from cuddling my children up close has gone - probably for ever - if not at least for the near future. I also tried a few light demo babies in some wraps and it felt similarly rubbish. I thought I would just feel nothing - but I feel an uncomfortable pressure. 

I’ve kept positive about it - how lucky I’ve had 6 years amazing cuddles with our beautiful girls. How awesome I can help other people have their own wonderful experiences. But I can’t deny that my heart aches a little writing this. It’s an era I shall miss. I’ve decided to make some photos of this and other memorable occasions to keep me smiling and proud of what has passed. 

Yep, I'm still moaning about drains....

Just over 2 weeks since surgery….4 weeks left of sick leave. Thank goodness. Not that I feel awful in the slightest - uncomfortable, yes. Twingy, yes. But awful, no. Just the thought of going back to Amex makes me feel crappy. 

I STILL have drains. I am one of those unlucky ones who clearly produces a lot of fluid (well, that and the strattice makes it worse, too!). I’ve been told the drains will be out early next week - whatever the output, and the relief of that deadline is massive. Even more than last week, I feel like the classic prisoner in the comic sketches, marking off the days on my bare cell wall before release day. Getting rid of drains certainly feels like a freedom moment to strive for. 

The drains are stinging now, too.. And so uncomfortable by bed time. And what’s made me even more grumpy is I have my period AND my nose is running. FFS, I am just a leaking body. 

My chest looks like a construction site. I’m considering buying some temporary construction tattoes to stick over my chest. Wondering if my surgeon has a sense of humour……

Just reading through the last few entries it all sounds overwhelmingly negative. Actually, I’ve been out quite a bit - combining hospital appointments with nice lunches, breakfast with friends, walks on the beach. Physically, chest area aside I feel really alive and well and VERY thankful I was fit and active prior to surgery. I think it has helped immensely. 

And I am forever thankful of my opportunity to reduce my risk by such a massive amount. All these things to be thankful for - but, sometimes, the daily drag of drains just brings it all down! 

Drain pain

2 weeks ago (probably to this day) I came to the bedroom, threw off my bra, gave a massive sigh of relief to be freed of my clothes and tumbled into bed. Turned onto my side, hugged my hubby (and probably the 3 year old so often in-between us), and drifted off to sleep. 

Tonight, I lie in bed, alone - everyone’s been kicked out in case they kick out drains - waiting for sleep to visit. I’m lying propped up on all the pillows i can muster and a small selection of downstairs cushions. I undo my sports bra (gives me some shape), wait for that tight, trapped feeling to be released - no instant relief.  The internal corsetry is in action. And that, so far, is life with expanders and drains. 

I stand up, remembering I need the toilet, momentarily forgetting I have 2 wires and bottles following me everywhere. OWCH. 

One day soon, the drains will be gone. One day further on, the expanders will follow. Counting it down like a prisoner with a wall tally chart….