The recovery period has been quite a surprise to me. I was fully expecting to ride an emotional roller coaster. Hm, well, if that was a roller coaster, then it was a pretty tame one; in fact, one I wouldn't even mind sitting on - and that's saying something. I don't do real life roller coasters - there is NO enjoyment there for me at all!
Physically - asides from some occasional aches, the numb-ness and the inability to lie anyway except on my back - I'm feeling back to normal. I cannot wait to go back to the gym and start building up the muscle tone again.
I know my journey has been a fortunate one. I have had few complications, but more than that I think one of the things that really has worked in my favour is my own feelings towards my boobs when I was prepping for surgery.
I am so extremely lucky to have discovered my BRCA1 mutation at a point in life where the personal importance of my breasts was losing significance. I was 34. My youngest, Ellie, was 2 1/2 and although breastfeeding was still a great way of connecting together at quiet points through the day, she was not as dependent on it as her older sister. My boobs were no longer of the fantastically bouncy 25-year-old variety. One eyebrow was raised when my breast surgeon summarised my current cleavage in writing, using the most uncomplimentary terms of "ptotic" and "multiple straie". Yes, of course I googled those terms...you may too. Promise not to laugh too much.
If I'd discovered my BRCA1 mutation 10 years prior, my risk-reducing decisions would have been harder. Pre-kids, I had awesome cleavage and yes I definitely wore clothes that accentuated this! I may well have opted for surveillance in my mid-20's.
I am so extremely lucky to have discovered my BRCA1 mutation at a point in life where the personal importance of my breasts was losing significance. I was 34. My youngest, Ellie, was 2 1/2 and although breastfeeding was still a great way of connecting together at quiet points through the day, she was not as dependent on it as her older sister. My boobs were no longer of the fantastically bouncy 25-year-old variety. One eyebrow was raised when my breast surgeon summarised my current cleavage in writing, using the most uncomplimentary terms of "ptotic" and "multiple straie". Yes, of course I googled those terms...you may too. Promise not to laugh too much.
If I'd discovered my BRCA1 mutation 10 years prior, my risk-reducing decisions would have been harder. Pre-kids, I had awesome cleavage and yes I definitely wore clothes that accentuated this! I may well have opted for surveillance in my mid-20's.
If I'd discovered it with younger children, my decisions would have been harder still. I breastfed our 2 girls as babies, as toddlers and as pre-schoolers. Ellie weaned fairly naturally 6 months prior to my operation. I can't imagine how it would feel like to know my increased risk, whilst also wanting to continue feeding my children. And I feel that's the thing that I loved most about my breasts - the capability to feed and calm the girls. If I'd discovered it with young children, I may well have gone ahead with a risk reducing mastectomy - I would have been early 30's and with 2 children more fearful of my risk - but the choice to do so would have been emotionally charged.
And although it was a shock at the time when I found out about my BRCA1 mutation, and I was nervous of weaning earlier than Ellie wanted, I never doubted my choice to go ahead with a mastectomy as soon as possible. My breasts were done!
I did consider having no reconstruction and joining the "flat and fabulous" brigade. I've seen plenty of photos of non-reconstructed ladies and to me, they are no less feminine than someone with curves. In fact, some I consider more than beautiful. These ladies ooze strength. Some may not have had the option of reconstruction; others have made it a choice. Flat ladies, high five to you. No boobs make you no less of a woman.
In the end, I chose reconstruction because I decided I would prefer some more curves on my upper body.
I still have some work to do on my perspectives before planning an oopherectomy! This for me, feels like the harder challenge. Although I could see my breasts were no longer a massive part of my life, my female hormones definitely are. I'm nervous of the long term impact of ovary removal; of the effect on cognition, sexual arousal, and overall physical wellbeing.
If you're reading this and you are pre-mastectomy, I hope you find a perspective that allows you to walk through this experience and feel whole throughout it all, whether you choose to be flat, whether you're reconstructed perfectly, or even if things don't go as expected. To feel empowered, and awesome, and 100% a woman.
If you're reading this and like me considering oopherectomy to reduce risk of ovarian cancer, please walk with me and help me to see it in a positive light!
Much love xx
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